Imagine getting a text from your best friend to grab dinner and catch up after not seeing each other for a while.
Now, imagine the initial excitement of getting to spend time with your friend. Hearing about what’s new in their life. How their kids (and dogs) are. Laughing so hard you cry.
Then, imagine the excitement quickly turns to crippling anxiety. There’s a knot in your stomach that keeps tightening. And tightening.
Why?
Well it’s not because you don’t want to see your best friend. In fact, it has nothing to do with them at all.
What if I told you the anxiety is all food related.
You start to worry about how you’re going to track your macros perfectly. How you’re going to stay “on plan.” And how much progress you’re going to derail by saying yes to this invite.
So you decline.
“Hey sorry, I’d so love to see you and catch up but I’m just really busy with work. Can we reschedule for another time?”
That was my reality for way too long.
When I was in the depths of food obsession, body dysmorphia, and orthorexia, the slightest bump in the road would stress me out to no end.
I was constantly cancelling plans. Pretending to be working or unavailable. Just so I could stay home and eat perfectly.
One Saturday night, I was sitting on my couch. Alone. With nothing but a plate of chicken and broccoli.
That was all I had left.
Just me and my “perfect” macros.
Here’s the real kicker…
I still hated how I looked. I still picked myself apart. And I still kept pushing to get leaner.
It was a dark time in my life and it felt like I was never going to find balance.
That was a word that people would throw around all the time.
And in my head, I thought I had balance.
Maybe because of the uncontrollable binge episodes on chocolate, cake, cookies, or chips that would transpire.
Or maybe I was just in denial.
Either way, it was extremely unhealthy.
Normally, this would be the part where I say that I turned everything around, found my way, and lived happily ever after.
Only, that’s not reality.
The reality is… I still struggle with the aftermath.
I still have that voice in my head that tells me I should be leaner. I still struggle sometimes when I look in the mirror. I still judge myself a bit too harshly for my food choices.
You want to know the biggest difference?
Now, I don’t suppress those feelings. I don’t run from them or hide.
I listen. I sit with them. I get curious about why they’re there.
And then I remind myself that I have control over what I want to DO with them.
Learning that process is something I gained from therapy, working with my own nutrition and fitness coaches, and stepping away from certain relationships in my life and career.
It’s allowed me to cope with uncomfortable feelings more productively.
I’d argue it’s probably the single most important skill-set that I’ve developed when it comes to my health and fitness.
It’s not tracking macros. It’s not working out smarter.
It’s knowing how to handle difficult emotions, situations, and roadblocks.
It’s never perfect. It’s never going to be perfect.
But it’s progress.
And that’s all that matters.
So if you’re struggling with any of the things that I struggle with…
Tightening the grip on your nutrition may be the last thing you need.
More likely, you need to sit with those uncomfortable feelings, listen to what they’re trying to tell you, and then you have to remain in the driver’s seat.
Navigating self sabotage and behaviors that don’t serve you is one of the things we are really freaking good at in our coaching program.
Just keep that in mind if you’re even in a position where you truly want to make a lasting change.
We can help.
And we can do it in a way that’s sustainable and freeing.
I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.
