Birthday Cake Confessions
I was so excited to get home and pick up our annual birthday cupcakes from a local bakery and celebrate Jase and my birthday’s.
There was a time in my life when I didn’t eat birthday cake. Or much of anything. I feared the calories and carbs and actually believed that I had to “earn” my cake by exercising more. I lived for years in this vicious cycle.
One year I was out of town with some friends on my birthday and my friends got me a large, amazing, delicious chocolate cake from Whole Foods (I LOVE chocolate). It was definitely meant to be shared with a lot of friends! My friends sang to me and I enjoyed a slice of cake with them. And then I had a slice the next day and the next day. I even had some with my breakfast. YOLO, right?
As I was packing up and leaving to go home, my friends told me to take the cake back with me. So I did. And on my 6 hour drive home I proceeded to actually eat sections of the cake (yes, while driving)! When I finally made it home to my house I still had a few slices left. I thought, why not just finish the damn cake, have it out of the house for good, and go out with a bang!
So I ate the remaining slices and then was left with feelings of fullness BUT pure emptiness.
I felt ashamed, guilty, and embarrassed.
I felt like a failure and I felt like there was nothing I could do but start over the next day by eating “clean” and punishing myself at the gym. And trust me: there were many cakes, chocolate bars, cookies, brownies, etc. that I binged on over the years.
There was a dark time in my life when I struggled so much with negative body image, over-exercising, and food restrictions (which always led to binging and feelings of guilt). I learned that all of the body image issues and feelings of shame and disgust about my body weren’t true body image issues BUT a way of redirecting painful emotions onto my body in attempt to cope with trauma.
I hated living this way, so I quit competitive ultra-running, took up lifting weights, and spent years working with a Nutrition Coach to help guide me in learning how to fuel my body and give myself grace. I finally learned that I am worthy and deserve to look good and feel good. Since I started fueling my body (and eating > 300g Carbs) and dealing with the underlying issues of my body image, I’m proud to say that I have never again lost control of my eating.
I want you to know that you are not alone on your journey. I have been there, and so many of my clients have been there too. I believe that YOU too are worthy and deserve food that is both fuel and pleasure, balanced fitness, and self-love. Reaching your goals will happen faster if you’re loving and fueling your body instead of battling against it. I promise. It’s amazing what happens when you start FUELING your body and STOP punishing yourself.
Life is too short to not enjoy the damn cake.
Ready to stop battling your body and need help learning how to love and fuel your body properly? Get started by clicking the link below for a FREE call to chat more about your goals.
